Few days ago I was reading a collection of essays by Graham Greene, an English writer. An essay titled Invincible Ignorance caught my eyes while turning random pages so afterwards I ran a quick errand on the internet in order to grasp more on its contents. Let me share a gist of what I read.
The essay sheds light on lovestory of an English physician cum writer - Havelock Ellis and his wife - Edith Lee, and how it met a tragic end either due to fault in their stars or by wilful inhibition of expressing love altogether. The couple who loved so passionately, ultimately ignored eachother like the other half never existed and both lived oblivious to the plight of each other until death overpowered one of them. Havelock's repentence years later after his wife's death can be well judged from the excerpt below:
Whenever nowadays I go about London on my business or my recreation, I constantly come upon them (the places where they had met): here she stood; here we met; here we once sat together; just as even in places where she never went, I come upon some object, however trifling, which leads, by tenuous thread of suggestion, to her. So that it sometimes seems to me that at every step of my feet and at every movement of my thought I see before me something which speaks of her, and my heart grows suddenly tender and my lips mumur involuntarily: “My Darling!”
The pain of his words can be felt by a tender heart while he makes a mention of his lost love. The anguish of his supposed dishonesty towards his wife ultimately made him realise that he was wrong but it was probably too late to reconcile by then.
If this could happen between two lovers it is not astonishing to see common relations like close relatives, far relatives, family, friends and even acquaintances being affected by human behaviour. One would wonder why we tend to observe restraint while the time is ripe for an open expression of emotions. Conversely, sometimes words, not supposed to be uttered, are vainly spoken with grave disregard for the other person's feelings. The adrenaline flows either too sheepishly to dare express a feeling or is gushed so recklessly into the bloodstream that we are tempted beyond ourselves. It reveals that human beings often display behaviours dangling between antagonist feelings of dispassionate indifference and torrid attachment.
In retrospect, we are always confronted with multiple choices. At times in the middle of a heated debate we are required to pull our reins and passify the situation but since the blood runs high in our veins, we end up spoiling the decorum of the occasion. In certain circumstances we are obliged to adopt a hard stance against a docile one but cannot react appropriately for reasons of avoiding an ordeal or giving allowance of mistake to the other person. That's where the opposite course was to be taken but we are not prudent enough to make the right choice in a short span of time. This, however, comes with study of human behaviour which in turn is a difficult undertaking.
Looking at this aspect from another angle we find out that people who read about human behaviour can play with human minds and opinions. A word spoken with gentle tone is more likely to melt an egregious fellow and make him feal comfortable than a spasmodic outburst of emotions. The way we deal with fellow human beings says a great deal about us. A brazen disregard for the sentiments and self respect of others is quite detestable in a normal man's view. But in our own dealings, especially when we are dealing with the closest relations, we take wrong sides and deliver wrong lessons too. Indifference to human feelings is not a prudent way of living in society.
Being taken away by emotions is quite human, too. The unrestrained flow of sentiments and reckless behaviour is quite natural. In order to regulate our emotional outflow, writers have spoken as often as extensively the readers have written. As a first step we can do following:
Firstly, we should take stocks of ourselves to evaluate if we can live independent of anything including human to human contact. If one can, hats off to the highest scorer on “unsociability index”. But on the contrary, if we can't - and truely no one can deny that - we should take a look at how we behave under certain circumstances.
Secondly, after an evaluation of ourselves, we should muster the strength to face our insecurities as most often, we are captives of our own insecurities. To shun them away we need to see if these insecurities really are worth worrying about? If Yes, we should try finding a way around them until we can ignore them altogether. And, if No, we should embrace the third step swiftly.
Thirdly, all those people we are closely knitted with should be the first priority as far as our valuable possessions are concerned. Time being the most valuable should be managed the most for that's a contentious commodity in modern world. Giving the most valued ones our quality time, however small in quantity, will make everything else fall in place.
Fourthly, we should try bring the left-outs or the others in the closer circle of our attention. That will enhance our human contact and will bring out the best of us. Engaging in healthy activity should never be discouraged, rather we should see for ourselves what benefits of the company of good people can be accrued by just being with them.
Last but not the least, an appraisal is always mandatory. Evaluating our social circle continuously has invaluable benefits. All those whom we spend quality time with should fall in the upper category as against the ones whose company is not worth it. However family must come first always and everytime as that is the foundation of social fabric. The secondary priorities may be set as per personal choices of the person.
To conclude, it is quite infelicitous to see the human relations going toward a decline. The crumbling down of relationships is not a great idea as relationships are what make us what we are and there is no denial of this fact. A friend said, “business is business and a cup of tea is a cup of tea, and either of these should be dealt accordingly”. As a rejoinder quite euphemistically, I had to say: “a cup of tea is more important than business because the one, you can sit and take a cup of tea with, is likely to be more convenient having business with than the one with whom you can't”.
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