There is no doubt that raising kids is an art often so laboriously learnt and later quite conveniently forgotten for reasons of social or financial constraints per se. We live in an ironic world where on the one hand, parents leave no stone unturned, especially in the ascendant class, to provide for their children while on the other people have to offer their kids for sale in order to earn few pennies. We often seek guidance on parenting and come across terms like good parenting and bad parenting. These are two sides of the story but the real question is do we really know what parenting really means in our world? No, I think. Most of us don't have an idea.
According to wikipedia:
Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
That's the most easily accessible definition of parenting on the internet and there is no doubt it serves the "what" side for newly accredited parents or parents-to-be, but it unfortunately does not suffice for the "how" side. The former is easy to comprehend - peripheral; but the latter is difficult - wholistic. We must understand that every society is driven by the social conduct of its inhabitants and there is no qualm about it to say that every society has good and bad case scenarios. We may argue that the ancient societies howsoever moribund had a tinge of precious social values but there were things which cannot be tolerated in today's world. Yet again the present day hi-tech societies, infact a conglomeration scientific inventions, lack social values of the past but again there are numerous good things which were unthinkable in the past.
As already mentioned, every society has its own values which define that particular society. To make a child grow into an efficient and productive adult is a painstaking process for the parents. Should we choose to focus on fulfilling the physical needs of our children only, we might turn them into healthy men and women but if we ignore the mental and moral upbringing, the results may be cataclysmic not only for us but for the society at large. It is like upbringing a Frankenstein's monster in one's own backyard.
We all know that children follow what they see rather than do what they are told. A couple enjoying mutual trust and understanding is more likely to raise well-behaved children than a couple with an undulating and untrustworthy one.
Another prospect of raising children is to give them the right perspective of their society and religion. I was reading about a famous lyricist from India who claims to have turned athiest from being a muslim once and has raised his kids as athiests too. When I read about his family history, his father was found to be one of the bollywood's famous poets while his grandfather was a religious scholar. What we infer here is that if one observes a small deviation from the prescribed path, there are all the more chances of his/ her generations going astray by miles as compared to his/ her deviation in the past. Now it does not mean to lead kids into orthodoxy and discourage their urge of finding the truth themselves; rather it calls for a reinvigoration of the spirit to follow the right path. It holds true for all of us from every walk of life. Parents who don't focus on this aspect of their children's lives are often seen repenting their erstwhile decisions.
As a guideline following aspects warrant consideration:
First: we should decide as a couple how we want our kids as adults and should chalk out a way forward. The parameters of the decisions made must be a binding on both and no deviation from the decided way forward should be observed.
Second: be a role model for your kids. Both parents should make it a point to be as real and as good a model for their kids as they want them to be. They are to be rightly guided on all aspects of life ranging from personal health to religion and down to the choice of profession. Not anything should be imposed upon them, rather they should be encouraged to take right decisions for themselves. For this they would need good role models in the form of their parents. Needless to say, children will do what they see; not what they are told.
Third: we should incorporate our family members to play their role in correct upbringing of our children. Mere efforts of the couple are of no use if the complete family is not part of their endeavours. Special attention must be paid to the elders of the family who are in essence the ones to be made cognisant of the whole exercise elapsed over many years.
Fourth: close relatives must be introduced to the kids with strict instruction on who he/ she is and what his/ her limits are. There are various instances where close relations have physically abused kids of their family, quite astonishingly. After all, no one is their parent except their real parents. It doesn't mean to isolate kids from the family but rather appeals to common sense.
Fifth: we must enhance the trust level of our kids by making them aware of their pride as human beings. No upbringing is complete without the most important lesson of humanity. While they will understand the value of humanity, they can rightly choose the relevant ways to live fruitful lives.
Sixth: we ust tell our kids about the Supreme Soul - the Creator. It might surprise us that giving kids the right perspective of life makes them take right decisions everytime. A disconnect from the Divine makes them disconnect from the world also. So vigilence is advised!
Parenting is a challenge in real sense. There are various theories revolving around parenting in the world. We should take it as serious task and never let it go just by the way. It is clearly a responsibility to prepare our next generations for the world to be prosperous. Where it is important to guide our kids on worldly affairs it equally necessary to lead them on the right path of humanity. After all, we are human beings - the best of all the creations.
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